Archive for March, 2009

Baby monitors, top models, and Chuck Bass

Keeping up with this blog is kind of hard. As in I forget it exists. But then I remember and I get excited that I have a place where I can rant about some pretty important things in my life. Some serious TV blogging is coming up in the next few posts so get reaady.

Before I get into TV awesomeness…I saw a spanish film tonight called The Baby’s Room(La Habitacion del Nino) which scared the crap outta me. Seriously, I don’t know if I just haven’t seen a scary movie in a while but I was literally hiding inside my hoodie sweatshirt. The movie did not seem to be scary when my friends and I first read the synopsis provided. The synopsis basically went something like this: ” Hey, guess what? There is this couple and they move into this house and they have a baby and shit happens. Yeah, spooky” I don’t know who wrote the synopsis for the movie but they must have been having a bad day and wrote it while they were getting drunk. After reading that synopsis I was completely ready to laugh, mock, and just overall have a good time with friends. But oh was I wrong! I don’t know what it is about people from Spain but they make horrible movies! Sorry to make such an essentialist claim but it is true. I mean they are beautifully made films but they make me want to yell and cry and forget movies even exist.

Another example of a movie which caused irreparable damage to my soul is The Orphange. Worst time ever. So, getting back to the other movie which destroyed my life. The movie is about this newly married couple who just moved to an old(creepy) house with their newborn baby. Of course everything is perfect and dandy until the father’s sister brings them a box of all this old baby stuff that she’s handing down to them. Of course the mother is immediately angry at her sister in-law because well they’re suppose to hate each other right? I don’t know but the whole passive aggressive bitchy scene between them reminded me of all interactions my mom and aunt have. In the box of hand me downs is a baby monitor which the dad is like “Uhhh…wha is dis??”( Well he doesn’t exactly say that but trust me what he did say sounds equally as dumb in Spanish. What father doesn’t know what a baby monitor is? Not even, what kind of normal person has never heard of a baby monitor??Unless you’re a baby of course. Maybe I’m just overestimating dude’s capabilities of being you know like smart).
baby monitor What is this for again??

I’m not gonna go into the rest of the movie because I honestly rather not think about it anymore. So, instead I’m going to talk about another horror story: Top Model Riots!!

I was briefly watching Channel 11 news because I was waiting for Sex and The City to come back from commercial when I heard two startling headlines for the top news stories of the night. Basically….there was a huge riot in nyc the other day(unless I’m waaay behind on hearing this news story) during an America’s Next Top Model open casting call. WHOA. I know none of them were there to make friends but geeeeez. Just watching the video makes me super anxious and uncomfortable. Just seeing that big of a crowd makes me feel uneasy. I totally get how meeting Tyra can make you go bananas but get a hold of yourself girls! No reality show is worth getting stomped on. You also don’t want to risk ruining your pretty faces a.k.a money maker. I guess I just underestimated how much these girls really want to be on top. Literally, they want to start a stampede and walk all over the bitches they’re competing against. Watch the following video closely and get ready to squirm:
I wonder what Tyra thinks of all this…

I really need to start watching ANTM. Now that The Bad Girls Club is ending I need something to get me through the week. Who am I kidding, Gossip Girl has started up again and that’s all I really need. I just name dropped so many TV shows I watch. Don’t judge me.

The other news story tonight was about a restaurant called Winter, in the UES, that’s giving out free meals to any women who come in dressed in school girl uniforms as a tribute of sorts to Gossip GirI,which recently filmed there. I was so excited when I heard this story because I love anything Gossip Girl related but also because I love anything free stuff related. Yet I feel like they should give out free meals to anyone who comes dressed up as any GG character. As much as I love free meals there is no way I’m wearing my old catholic school uniform ever again. I would have totally gone dressed up as Chuck Bass though. I kind of dress like him anyways…if he frequented thrift stores and sometimes wore the same thing for almost two weeks.

Anywho, I really love the show and actually don’t think it’s ruining teenagers or whatever. I mean yes it’s portraying rich UES kids who have nothing else to worry about besides high school drama but besides the lack of class analysis in the show it’s actually pretty right on. I don’t mind shows about teenagers having sex because well teenagers do have sex. Maybe the sex scenes should be a bit more awkward though. Just to be realistic, ya know. So, in conclusion I would go to that restaurant for a free meal if they would let me wear a bow tie instead of a plaid skirt.
I could wear a plaid vest.

I am starting to feel super sleepy but I am also very scared to go to sleep. I am now scared of baby monitors for life.

I haven’t even written half of what I intended to so think of this as a Part 1 of a much longer post on amazing television shows. Oh btw, The L Word ended and lesbians still inhabit the earth. Are you as relieved as I am? I am actually not that relieved…lesbians are annoying. Geez, now that I’m remembering the last episode of that show I’m starting to get super annoyed. That Bette and Tina scene when they were just embracing while Sade was playing was so gay. So so gay. Gay and wack. Gack. Gwack….it was lame basically. Gay Lame. Glame. I need to stop this.

I wish I could get paid for writing in this shitty blog.


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Punks Do It Better

So, I googled riot grrrl punk and I got this picture:

I don’t really recall an all baby fronted riot grrrl band but I do tend to forget things. This baby has probably had many a night covered in sweat and beer…I felt weird even writing that sentence. I feel weird even having a picture of a baby on this blog.

I’ve been wanting to go to a show lately. Like really badly. I feel like whenever I feel myself getting in a bad mood I begin to yearn for loud music, sweaty bodies, and beerz. I also like getting thrown around and pushing people for no reason other than because I can. Punk makes me so nostalgic which is freakin crazy because it’s not like those years are so behind me that I can really afford to do that. It also makes me feel super anxious and kind of sad that I’ve never started a band. Too bad I never continued learning how to play guitar. Guitar was never my thing though. I always wanted to play the drums. I remember even asking my guitar teacher if he could secretly teach me how to play the drums instead of guitar. But my mom never thought playing the drums was ladylike or whatever so that never happened. All I can do now is dream I guess. Dream of a drum set. Or get off my lazy ass and actually learn how to play. I could do that also.

I was gonna write a post on more Mariah but I feel like maybe I need to cut back on how often I bring her up both in this blog and in my daily interactions.It’s hard though I must say. I think about her constantly. Like just now I’ve been going back and forth from listening to riot grrrl music and Mariah songs. I wonder what a mashup of “Reject All American” and “Dreamlover” would sound like. Amazing probably. Or like shit. Either way I’m all about it.

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Buy U A Drank

Really. I really,really need a drink. Or something else to mellow me out. After a hectic, amazing, inspiring day of protesting and resisting I need some help to try to relax. I’m trying my best to chill out and watch some tv but my mind is thinking about where we need to go from here. Anyways, I saw a lady today in an entire crocodile skin outfit and was both disgusted and impressed.

In related news, Jon Gosselin, the dad from the TLC show Jon & Kate Plus 8 went out drinking recently according to this week’s issue of Star magazine.
Ready to pawty…

I don’t read Star normally but I just happened to stumble upon this bit of slightly disturbing info. The disturbing part is not that Jon went out drinking. Being a parent doesn’t and shouldn’t absolve you from buying a drank but what makes this story very strange is that he went to a college party. A women’s volleyball team party. According to the article, he was “dirty dancing” with girls at the party and making moves on them. I can’t say that my interest in this story is entirely based on Jon’s act of infidelity because well I don’t really think Kate likes him so much ( have you ever seen the show? she hates him) but rather on the amazing randomness that he would show up at a party filled with drunken college students. It’s like John Stamos walking into some queer dance party in Brooklyn. Right? Maybe not but I still can’t get over his choice of party. Maybe he was thinking he should go to a place where he would be least likely to be recognized and therefore making cheating on his wife much easier to get away with. It’s not like he could go to some lame middle class hetero pick up spot,right? Those lameos would recognize him in an instant. The truth is that this is probably some made up story. But whoever made it up is a fuckin genius.

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Real street fighters make sure not to lose their purse

When you think Street Fighter you most likely will think of this:

Street Fighter was/is an amazing game that I use to play all the time when I was little. I was always that ugly green monster with orange hair. Even when I was young I did not want to be the hot girl with the super long pigtails and school girl outfit. Too predictable and lame, ya know? Anywhoo, I use to go to the laundromat all the time when I was little to play the Street Fighter arcade game with other random neighborhood kids. I would almost always lose of course because I’ve never been very good at video games even though I fairly enjoy them. I just lose any kind of social decency when I’m playing a video game. Seriously, I completely curse out a poor inanimate object who is really at no fault whatsoever. I’ve probably hurt many arcade games’ feelings.

My love for Street Fighter has obviously diminished because you know I’m not a loser anymore but I have managed to take the spirit of the game with me into adulthood. My love for the game has manifested itself into a new love for the show ‘The Bad Girls Club’. I know what you’re thinking. How does Street Fighter relate to a thrashy show about promiscuous, loud, angry women? The following clip should answer that question:

Tiffany is repping Chi-town(which at first I thought was spelled Shy-town) all the way. Which made me wonder if Obama has ever climbed on top of a limo and yelled “Chi-town, bitch!”. I sure hope so and I hope a video of it leaks onto the internet sometime soon.

So, yeah this show is my new one and only. Well, not really because I watch almost all reality shows even the really really bad ones. I don’t watch The Bachelor though. That shit’s boring as hell. The girls of The Bad Girls Club are not ones to be messed with. Especially if they are drunk. They will fuck you up fo sho. As long as their purses are in a safe location that is. Now that I think about it, these girls are super protective over their purses. I’m thinking about a couple episodes after the clip shown above where the new girl that comes into the house, Ashley, turns over a table at a club and yells like a maniac because she can’t find her purse. I guess I can’t really understand this attachment they have to their purses since I never carry one. I just couldn’t imagine being that attached to my messenger bag. But I guess that’s because it’s a $10 messenger bag.

What I’m really trying to get at is that the street fighters of today do not wear school girl outfits when they are kicking your ass…wait, I guess they could be. I can’t really assume The BGC girls won’t beat a bitch down in a plaid miniskirt. Hmmm I know there was a point to this but I am running on a weeks lack of sleep so I’m gonna give up trying to remember. I guess when it comes down to it, what I’m trying to say is that I now prefer my street fighters to wear stilettos, fake eyelashes, and a hair weave. Hold up…I think I just came full circle. I now love that which I hated when I was little. Whoaaa, revelation!

I hope this entry makes some sense…

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Remember this movie?

I suuure do. This use to be my best friend’s favorite movie and for a long time I would mock her about it. Then i watched it and realized it was amaazing. Burt is a funny guy. And according to a Filipino lady I met this past Saturday…a pretty sexy guy as well. I don’t know if he’s sexy but his mustache won me over.

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Reflections on Glitter

In my first post I alluded to my love of Mariah. So, now I’m going to dedicate this entire post to my newly rediscovered obsession with her. I first became infatuated with Mariah when I bought Daydream back in 1995 when I was a little bookish loser. Yup, I went through my bookish phase very early on in my life and slowly gave up reading(well not entirely…reading online still counts right?) as I got older. It always surprises me how much I learn through not reading. I feel like the most important things I’ve learned have been through experience, observation, and listening. So to sum things up: I use to be a nerdy child and now I only watch tv

What was I trying to say….oh,right I LOVE MARIAH!

I LOVED that album and memorized every single song. I literally just sat in my room and made myself memorize the entire album. I also did that some years later but this time with a 98 degrees album….that I’m not entirely proud of. I continued being her #1 fan throughout Butterfly and Rainbow but I have to admit that when Glitter rolled around I lost interest. Mariah and I continued to be on a break for about a span of 7 to 8 years! Crazy, I know! But let’s focus on the positive. I rekindled my once flaming(gay) love for her this past year thanks to an amazing friend of mine whose name rhymes with Paria. Since then it’s been one crazy, smelly, crowded, emotional, non-stop, express bus ride back to MariahHood(hood because she’s from long island, ya know).

This post is going to be way too long but who cares? Mariah doesn’t.

I’ve been looking to find/buy Glitter on dvd for some time now but haven’t been successful because I’m cheap and lazy. So, you can imagine my excitement when I realized Glitter was on fuckin youtube! It was right under my nose this whole time! Ironic, don’t you think?(no, Alanis, no). This movie was an absolute emotional roller coaster. I felt thoroughly invested in the character of Billie, who let’s face it is just Mariah, and truly felt for her from beginning to end. But maybe that’s just because I’m a sucker for love stories involving foster children. My favorite parts were the glances that Billie/Mariah would exchange with her love interest whose name I forgot. He looks like such a tool though so whatever. I also have to admit I teared up when she sang “Reflections” because it was about her mom! I’m also a sucker for fucked up mother-daughter relationships. The whole movie was really excellent and I mean that in the most honest, real kind of way. I’m not hyping this up for some kind of hipster cred. Queens don’t play that shit.

Another awesome part of the movie was the guest appearance of…Padma Laksmi??
She’s the one without the beard. But fun fact: that dude is her ex-husband and has recently been granted knighthood post-divorce.

It’s one of those things that I would have entirely missed if I hadn’t been intently watching the movie so thank goodness I have an eye for detail. First of all, I had no idea she was an actress. I assumed she was a model or something else that required little speaking. Not to be mean but she just seems really equipped at saying small phrases like ” Please pack your knives and go” and ” That’s too salty”. So, I googled her and found some pretty (not so) interesting things about her. She actually stared in the Star Trek series as well as a series on The Ten Commandments( I felt compelled to capitalize that for some reason). She’s also been quoted as saying that she’s “the first well known model from India” which I think is presumptuous. I bet there are tons of well- known models from India… in India. I don’t understand measuring success purely on being accepted in the U.S or being well-known in the U.S. As if we only matter if we exist here. I guess everyone else who inhabits the rest of the world are just C-list celebrities. Hmmm I’ve never even thought of comparing the inequality and systemic oppression that people face with an A-list/C-list celebrity analogy. Maybe that can be an upcoming post. Anyways, Padma has a cookbook so buy it, I guess, if you want to learn how to incorporate booze in all you cook. I hear she drinks in the morning.

I’m gonna say it again…this post is wayy too long but relax it’s my second day attempting to blog so I’m bound to screw this up. I seriously lost my train of thought but I think I was trying to emphasize my love for Mariah. Yup. I dig her. Yes, dig. I think I should end this post with an awesome picture of Mariah…
mariah_carey_and_nick_cannon000x0432x530 Mariah lubs cupcakezz. I do not lubs her new husband, Mr. Nick “Drumline” Cannon, but I guess he must be alright if she likes him.


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During times of economic hardship…Cosmo got yo back


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